READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My Higher Power is John Stamos
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
