I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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