Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
