there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
