Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
