i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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