Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
