so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
