Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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