so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His nipple licking is glorious
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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