Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
