every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
