I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
