so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
