i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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