i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
