That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Come see our sink grown plant.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
