$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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