So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
