the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my liver is dry heaving
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
