At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
