it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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