Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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