i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
