wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
