i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
