I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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