there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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