is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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