I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
