I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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