i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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