and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
