You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
