She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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