I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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