I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
