8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
