She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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