WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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