he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
