Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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