kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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