My pussy is not your playground.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
