Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
