Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
