I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
