We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
