Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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