It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
