She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
