i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
