Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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