I can't watch pbs sober anymore
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
