my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
