if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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