where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
